I shared in an earlier post about my family’s military experience and my role as a grief and trauma counselor. I cannot stress enough the potential power reading together has in helping children process difficult emotions (adults too).

Books teach empathy, courage, resilience and hope. When children see characters navigating fear, sadness, or loss, they begin to understand their own feelings in a safe and gentle way. Stories give language to feelings and experiences kids may not know how to talk about. They offer mirrors to their emotions and windows into new possibilities as they watch their protagonist grow and change through the story arc.

Research from the University of Sussex found that just six minutes of reading can reduce stress levels by 68%. This is more than listening to music or taking a walk. Other studies have shown that reading fiction helps build emotional intelligence and increases the brain’s capacity for empathy.

I’ve seen this firsthand. During times of rapid re-deployments, family moves, or goodbyes to dear friends, books became an anchor in our home. I didn’t always have the right words or even know what to do next but sitting together and reading always seemed to make things feel a little easier. My 3 small children and I would curl up with a favorite book and it wouldn't take long before the giggles or the tears came out. Sometimes we just need to cry for someone or something else because it doesn't feel safe to cry for ourself just yet, but in those moments, they were safe with me. 

Stories can also allow for emotional distance, giving kids a chance to deal with big feelings without being overwhelmed. They allow children to “try on” solutions and learn that they are not alone. 

For children who have experienced trauma or are simply navigating big changes at school, in friendships or with new siblings, stories can offer relief, validation, and emotional guidance. It can be easier for a child to talk about the character and what they are feeling, how they chose well or poorly, when they don't feel ready to talk about their experience. 

When we read with our children, our nervous systems actually sync in a process researchers call co‑regulation. A 2020 study in Child Development found that preschoolers’ heart rates and cortisol levels moved toward a calmer baseline within ten minutes of shared reading with an emotionally attuned adult. This is a 30% larger drop than when children tried to self‑soothe alone. Younger kids naturally reach for that closeness, but as children grow older, pain, fear or shame can push them toward isolation, with guilt, or fear of burdening a parent who’s hurting too. 

Books don’t have to match the exact problem, though they can. If life feels heavy, pick a comedy and share a laugh. Parents often need that laugh just as much as kids. A child might do better with a fantasy just to have a break from their racing thoughts. What matters is your presence, the sound of your voice, your arms around them or the hand rubbing their hair as they drift off to sleep. 

Try this:

• For older children: just show up as they climb in bed with a book and ask if you can read to them for a little bit (I've found I miss you and I like this book to be good entry lines)
• For littles: make reading part of their bedtime routine early on
• Choose books with characters who overcome challenges or express emotions.
• Be honest about how you once felt like that character but don't make your experience the central focus.
• Let your child talk, interrupt, ask questions or say nothing at all.
• Revisit favorites as familiar stories bring comfort during uncertain times.
• Keep showing up even if they aren't responsive at first.

Resources:

“Reading ‘can help reduce stress’.” The Telegraph, 30 Mar. 2009. 

Kidd, David Comer, and Emanuele Castano. “Reading Literary Fiction Improves Theory of Mind.” Science, vol. 342, no. 6156, 2013, pp. 377–380. https://doi.org/10.1126/science.1239918.

Mar, Raymond A., Keith Oatley, and Jordan B. Peterson. “Exploring the Link between Reading Fiction and Empathy: Ruling Out Individual Differences and Examining Outcomes.” Communications, vol. 34, no. 4, 2009, pp. 407–428. https://doi.org/10.1515/comm.2009.025. 

Correia, Helder, et al. “Storytelling Increases Oxytocin and Positive Emotions and Decreases Cortisol and Pain in Hospitalized Children.” Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, vol. 118, no. 20, 2021, e2018409118. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2018409118. 

Canfield, Caitlin F., et al. “Beyond Language: Impacts of Shared Reading on Parenting Stress and Early Parent–Child Relational Health.” Developmental Psychology, vol. 56, no. 7, 2020, pp. 1305–1315. https://doi.org/10.1037/dev0000940.