How Books Help Children Build Resilience and Process Emotions

I shared in an earlier post about my family’s military experience and my role as a grief and trauma counselor. I simply cannot stress enough the potential power reading together has in helping children process difficult emotions (adults too).

Books teach empathy, courage, resilience and hope. When children see characters navigating fear, sadness, or loss, they begin to understand their own feelings in a safe and gentle way. Stories give language to things kids may not know how to say. They offer mirrors to their emotions and windows into new perspectives.

This isn’t just opinion. Research from the University of Sussex found that just six minutes of reading can reduce stress levels by 68%—more than listening to music or taking a walk. Other studies have shown that reading fiction helps build emotional intelligence and increases the brain’s capacity for empathy.

I’ve seen this firsthand. During times of rapid re-deployments, family moves, or goodbyes to dear friends, books became an anchor in our home. I didn’t always have the right words or even know what to do next but sitting together and reading always seemed to make things feel a little easier. My 3 small children and I would curl up with a favorite book and it wouldn't take long before the giggles or the tears came. Sometimes we just need to cry for someone or something else because it doesn't feel safe to cry for ourself just yet, but in those moments, they were safe, with me. 

Stories can create emotional distance, allowing kids to approach big feelings without being overwhelmed. They allow children to “try on” solutions, build emotional vocabulary, and learn that they are not alone. 

For children who have experienced trauma or are simply navigating big changes—school, friendships, new siblings, stories can offer relief, validation, and guidance. It can be easier for a child to talk about the character and what they are feeling when they don't feel ready to talk about their experience. 

When we read with our children, our nervous systems actually sync in a process researchers call co‑regulation. A 2020 study in Child Development found that preschoolers’ heart rates and cortisol levels moved toward a calmer baseline within ten minutes of shared reading with an emotionally attuned adult—a 30 % larger drop than when children tried to self‑soothe alone. Younger kids naturally reach for that closeness, but as children grow older, pain can push them toward isolation, guilt, or fear of burdening a parent who’s hurting too. 

Books don’t have to mirror the exact problem, though they can. If life feels heavy, pick a comedy and share a laugh—parents often need that laugh just as much as kids. A child might do better with a fantasy just to have a break from their racing thoughts. What matters is the presence, the rhythm of a voice, the arms around them or the hand rubbing their hair as they drift off to a story you are reading them. 

Try this:

• For older children- show up as they climb in bed with a book and ask if you can read to them for a little bit
• For littles-make reading part of their bedtime routine early on
• Choose books with characters who overcome challenges or express emotions.
• Let your child talk, interrupt, ask questions—or say nothing at all.
• Revisit favorites. Familiar stories bring comfort during uncertain times.

You don’t need a special degree to help your child build emotional strength. Just you and your loving presence. Books are just a tool to help bridge that chasm of silence that we often don't know how to overcome. The real magic is in sharing the experience.